It’s nacho business. [via]
By Mark Newman
My favorite animal for life.
I spend each day in a spiral of fake smiles and stupid jokes, mindless charm and mounting piles of work. People tell me to just be myself, but I can’t do that because I have no idea what that means. The harder I try to focus on the things I enjoy doing and the more I try to be the kind of friend I’d love to have, the farther away the people I love the most seem to go. My behavior is self destructive on all counts. The self loathing is out of control and my moments of joy with other people are so fleeting I can’t trust them. I don’t trust that I’ll be ok, but somehow I’ll push past that. I always do. It’ll just be lonely.
I haven’t written a lot lately. Ok, I haven’t written anything lately. My life is more of a mess than usual, but I’ll post updates soon. There have definitely been some big updates and major adventures. My behavior is better over all, but that’s not to say there aren’t some very fun highlights.
Today a coworker asked if I’ve been losing weight and someone just told me my boobs look great in this dress.
I’m unsure whether this was round five or six with Dave Matthews Band. Regardless, I’ve learned a very important lesson. The back row has more room for dancing! Plus “Grey Street” moves me just as much now as it did 10 years ago.
I took a Vyvanse with an icee today. So that’s where I am in life.
Let it be known I will henceforth be using the term “swimming in the lady pond”. Thank you for your attention.
I’ve noticed a shift in my moods over the last few weeks. Whereas I was stressed before, I was still managing to put forth some sort of effort to be positive and it was working well. Without changing any variables, including my approach to attitude, I’ve slipped into a more melancholic existence. For some reason I’m inexplicably sad and lonely. I had a lot of good things happen to me this week and I even accomplished things at work. That said, what’s the deal?
I know what the deal is, but I don’t want to admit it. Luckily I see Dr. T on Monday. Until then, I will be working on volunteer projects and spending time with family and hopefully old friends for Easter.
Funny thing about Easter being on the 20th this year- that day will mark me dating my current boyfriend for two months. That’s weird to me.