I don’t have any more to give right now. Unfortunately I can’t trust myself to be alone, so I’m sitting at an empty bar where I can’t get in trouble.
Yes yes yes yes. All the yes.
By Mark Newman
My favorite animal for life.
I spend each day in a spiral of fake smiles and stupid jokes, mindless charm and mounting piles of work. People tell me to just be myself, but I can’t do that because I have no idea what that means. The harder I try to focus on the things I enjoy doing and the more I try to be the kind of friend I’d love to have, the farther away the people I love the most seem to go. My behavior is self destructive on all counts. The self loathing is out of control and my moments of joy with other people are so fleeting I can’t trust them. I don’t trust that I’ll be ok, but somehow I’ll push past that. I always do. It’ll just be lonely.
I haven’t written a lot lately. Ok, I haven’t written anything lately. My life is more of a mess than usual, but I’ll post updates soon. There have definitely been some big updates and major adventures. My behavior is better over all, but that’s not to say there aren’t some very fun highlights.